Now, about my dear Donald. He’ll be 104 next month and, well, he’s having a bit of a problem in the fancy dress department, if you get my drift. He’s producing AM when I want FM — and in stereo! We’ve tried all of the gimmicks and widgets and gobsmacks, but there’s nothing doing Down Under. I’ve even contacted the local town councilor to see if something can’t be done in the next bi-election. The current councilor is pushing very hard for the removal of beaver dams in the River Tye and is pretty vocal about old-age pensioners getting free porn in the post — although when I spoke to my best friend Mary O’Connely from County Westmeath who claims to see the priest twice a week for herbal remedies, she said it was corn. And not the genetically-modified type, either. This is the old missionary kind.