How to measure a Cheshire grin

Here’s some advice for writers that a local greengrocer once imparted to me.

“When you get those fresh parsnips home, the best thing you can do to them is put ’em in a brown bag and hide them in a cupboard. Everyone these days wants frozen food. Easier to defrost. All it takes is a microwave, a nimble index finger, and you have your supper all ready. Can’t I interest you instead in a flageolet? You can play it with only four fingers leaving your opposable thumbs for better work.”

To which I bashfully replied, “Don’t you mean a green kidney bean?”

And the greengrocer replied. “Hell no! It’s the green kidney beans of this world who are stealing the wind from us all.”

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